"I Had A Lover, I Don't Think I'd Risk Another These Days"

Cliptal T.V.
In a car lost through the dark country roads of Fluvana, VA I play Jackson Browne in my mind. In my mind there is a tired bar with concrete floor dusted with straw huff horse seed and highway boot cloud that know silos, barn floors and fields. fields i will never see. I am not interested in being found. In the front Andy and Cindy read the address to "Zion road just past Sitting Bull Road so It's gotta be here on the left past Dancing Ghost Lane that goes in a loop back to Industrial Park. But we just passed Oracle lane so we must be close..." These roads are no joke. "These Days" keeps playing and I am warm and thinking how Nico says " ...I don't think I'd risk another these days..." and Jackson Browne at 16 years old, wrote " ...it's hard to risk another these days..." and that beautiful face, that beautiful boxed jaw and how in "Chelsea Girls", I'd cut out that flute too.

Bim pulls body soft folded sheets of paper out, almost wet saying " is this a map? what about this one?" I don't actually know if he brought one or was just hoping he'd happen to produce one. We are parked at Sweetwater farm. A few cows drag themselves from the hum of the engine and I someplace with them.No I don't think I'd risk another these days.

At 16 in a field in Crested Butte, Colorado Sara points out the milky arm of our solar spiral is stretched along the sky. I was the little prince atop his nubby moon, just for a moment, no Dharmas up to no mind dhatu. I love these strangers shuffling google maps in tortoise shell glasses and so it goes white hair. I've never felt more safe in my whole life. "I've stopped my rambling..." and can see these skinny trees shoot past gold Volvo, Crescent Moon Inn, distance measured in trailer length. I tell Bim I am going to see St.Vincent preform tonight at the Jefferson downtown and he tells me " yes there are some odd justs joining us" and I'm not sure what he means but I like it, I really do.

At the show I close my eyes and rest my chin on the stage edge so that my teeth tickle. There is a fat crowd swelling behind me, then the violin, then the clarinet. I don't want to forget these things. I have spent so much time until now doing all I can to forget so much of what I did not live because i was not there. Seemed easier to forget than to admit I wasn't even there for my own life. Maybe while you were kissing your face was when I looked up riding the alabaster arch along the whole of the theater. "Please don't confront me with my failures, I had not forgotten them."

Nailco